i've always been a bit afraid of public transportation. i remember my first time taking a rapid and bus across town (cleveland) by myself, a freshman in high school, i got completely lost and ended up getting home hours after i was expected. this was before cell phones and my mom was worried sick and i was probably in tears. i simply wasn't capable of figuring out how to get where i needed to go, even with a schedule and map. that experience kept me from learning how its supposed to work because the next time i tried the bus system was in seattle, about 15 years later. i got an extra christmas job at barnes and noble and didn't want to drive downtown and pay $15 to park. i remember stressing out every night thinking that i was going to miss my stop, not like it would matter so much since they stopped on almost every corner. but i didn't ever seem to get the hang of it.
there were a few times on kauai that i considered taking the bus when gas prices got ridiculous, i scouted out the stops, got a schedule, was ready. but in the end i just couldn't work up the courage to try. and to anyone familiar with kauai you'll understand how ridiculous that is, there's only one road. its not possible to get lost.
so now that i'm in mexico its that same fear multiplied by a million. each bus has about 7 names written in chalk on the window, and the bus stops are just a bench in the middle of nowhere with no signs.
i found out where the bus stop was and walked there to meet pam today. i can't describe how envious i was that she was able to fly to puerto vallarta, find a bus and get to sayulita. it doesn't seem like such a hard task but i didn't do it. i paid about 10 times as much for a taxi here, and it took almost the same amount of time. public transportation is a skill that i need to learn.
i can pretty much hear everyone laughing at me, and yes, i think there is good cause. really, who can't get on a bus and go somewhere? and if i get lost? its not like i'm going to be late for something. but still, i can't force myself to hop on a bus.
i did ride the cross country buses, though, but i think that's different. that's more in line with catching a flight, but slightly easier since there's no security. my longest so far has been 9 hours, from mazatlan to puerto vallarta. the other was san miguel to mexico city, only 3 hours. but both times i was outrageously nervous and got there well before i had to. in mazatlan i was so early that i started worrying that i missed my bus.
but getting down to the root of this transportation anxiety issue seems necessary. there's no need to worry about getting lost since i have no real plans, so that can't be it. i haven't had any bad experiences with fellow riders (unless you count the homeless guys in seattle that smelled like piss) so that's not it. i've never missed a flight in my life, and can count on one hand the times i've been late for work (but those were only due to severe hangovers, so i don't think they count), but even if i was late and missed my plane or bus it wouldn't be the end of the world (again, doesn't matter if i'm late for nothing to do). so maybe i just need to fess up to the fact that i worry for the sake of worrying? is that possible? and all this time i mistakenly thought i was pretty laid back.
according to google the fear of public transportation is incorporated into agoraphobia. aren't those people shut-ins?
with pam's help i will ride the bus to puerto vallarta when we leave. and i'm sure it'll be no big deal. i mean really, i've crossed the kaiwi channel on a 1man, and stand up paddled the napali coast. how can i be afraid to sit on a bus?
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| i hate you. |
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